How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking?

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johnlabarbera
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How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking?

Post by johnlabarbera »

I've seen the example letters and I have yet to find a translation for an explanation as to why we are looking for our relatives and trying to complete our family history.

Does anyone have a sentence or paragraph in Italian that would help set the potential relatives mind at ease as to why we are contacting them?

I am told many people in Italy, and I would expect especially in the rural areas of Sicily, do not understand why we do this and are suspicious.

Anyone???
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

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If people are suspicious then whatever reason you give them would not work so best be honest and send them $5.00 for stamps to encourage a reply.=Peter=
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by Italysearcher »

People are suspicious because they may be afraid you are going to try to claim some land that their family may have assumed in the absence of the emigrant.
It would be important to reassure them that you are not interested in any land or portion your family may be entitled to in Italy. That you are proud to be Italian and want to learn more about the beautiful land and heritage your ancestor had to abandon so many years ago.
I wouldn't send $5.00. If you are going to send money send Euro (cash) and ask them to say a mass for the family. (about 20 euro). This could be expensive if you are writing to several families. Alternately send the money to the priest and ask him if any of his parishioners are related to you. You might also send also a photo of your family (looking prosperous with the house in the background indicating that you don't need anything from them).
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johnlabarbera
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by johnlabarbera »

ah...this makes sense thanks
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by pink67 »

John,

I agree at all with Ann..... This is why here so many people are not interested and very suspicious about people doing genealogy researches.....
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by peggymckee »

Italysearcher wrote:It would be important to reassure them that you are not interested in any land or portion your family may be entitled to in Italy.
IMHO I'd be careful what I say in letters--even to people who are (or may be) relatives-- especially concerning renouncing property rights. All the best, Peg
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by johnlabarbera »

So maybe a indirect approach as suggested by sending a photo , this is a very interesting topic and I hope we get more opinions especially if they have had success in getting a response from their potential relatives
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by PeterTimber »

The whole idea is to approach a potential relative so why all the evasion since to satisfy their suspicions, especially from abroad, you must rely of the credulity of your letter. And what makes people think priests are going to be enthusiastic about assisting you since they will need "a donation" for whatever is asked of them as you well know. Sometimes you just have to trust in people's judgement. I suggested $5.00 since the US dollar is only worth 75 cents in Italy and stamps cost more than a dollar. If they are related to you they will be able to read the contents of your letter and will k now who you are talking about or not..and if they mistrust you then find another "cousin". =Peter=
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by Xaymara »

John,

I agree with Italysearcher's message except on the money part. I would never send money to a potential relative in fear of offending them, even if it's intended for the priest. I don't think money is the determining factor on getting a reply. If the potential relative wants to make a connection with their cousins, they will answer and what you say on that letter is far more important than including money.

I know that my relatives in Palermo were elated to receive, some 20 years ago, that first letter with a picture of my grandfather with his mom and siblings. Had we sent money, they would have thought that their American cousins thought of them as being in a tight financial situation where they couldn't afford a postal stamp. For the last nine years I have visited them every year and to this date they have never accepted any money, not even an euro, to cover any expense they incur while I'm there.


So, send that letter with pictures but no money, please.

Good luck,

María
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by Poipuo4 »

Hey, John, make sure to include your e-mail address. When I included my e-mail address, my Italian cousins wrote back to me right away. The older relatives without e-mail asked younger ones to write for them via e-mail. I wrote one letter with no e-mail address and received no reply. Do include a photograph of yourself to show good faith and potential family resemblance. My cousins were struck by the resemblance. I would not send $ for stamps either.

Just be sincere with your true reasons for looking for them. My Italian cousins and I have been in touch constantly since the first letters. If they are suspicious, they will verify the relationship on their end, so give them as much facts and names as you know.
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by johnlabarbera »

Poipuo4 wrote:Hey, John, make sure to include your e-mail address. When I included my e-mail address, my Italian cousins wrote back to me right away. The older relatives without e-mail asked younger ones to write for them via e-mail. I wrote one letter with no e-mail address and received no reply. Do include a photograph of yourself to show good faith and potential family resemblance. My cousins were struck by the resemblance. I would not send $ for stamps either.

Just be sincere with your true reasons for looking for them. My Italian cousins and I have been in touch constantly since the first letters. If they are suspicious, they will verify the relationship on their end, so give them as much facts and names as you know.
I just received this from a former co worker who was raised in Sicily...it seems to make sense but does address the land issue...

John: do not send money. They can feel offended with this.

You can start you letter writing something like this:

Prima di tutto voglio cominciare questa lettera, spiegandovi che quello che mi motiva a scrivervi é soltanto il mio desiderio di riconstruíre la mia storia familiare e se un giorno é possibile, visitare la Sicilia e conoscere la terra de i miei antenati. Non ho nessuna disposizione di fare alcun reclamo di terre o di propietá in Italia, é soltanto un interesse per conoscere meglio la mia storia.
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by Xaymara »

johnlabarbera wrote:
Prima di tutto voglio cominciare questa lettera, spiegandovi che quello che mi motiva a scrivervi é soltanto il mio desiderio di riconstruíre la mia storia familiare e se un giorno é possibile, visitare la Sicilia e conoscere la terra de i miei antenati. Non ho nessuna disposizione di fare alcun reclamo di terre o di propietá in Italia, é soltanto un interesse per conoscere meglio la mia storia.
Your friend gave you a perfect introductory paragraph to your letter!
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by lilbees »

Anyone have a transcription of this paragraph. Sounds interesting.

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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by johnlabarbera »

I will post it later today...my friend tells me it is not necessary to mention the land issue, in his opinion, but he wrote it because he thought someone may prefer to say it in their letter....
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Re: How do you tell a potential relative why you are looking

Post by johnlabarbera »

lilbees wrote:Anyone have a transcription of this paragraph. Sounds interesting.

lilbees
First of all I would like to start my letter explaining to you that I am simply interested in completing my family history, and if possible, traveling to Sicily one day to see the country of my ancestors. I do not have any intention to claim some land or properties in Italy, it is just an interest in knowing better my history.
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