Do i give up ?

[BigVee]

Ive been loitering around these boards for about 6 months, i have learn t a lot, am still learning ,so thank you all. It amazes me the amount you help people and the information you find.
I am trying to find out more details about my father. i do know his name, his wifes name and his sisters. i have visited where he is buried. he was in his 60s when i was born. Now i don't want to put his details on here for fear of upsetting my many "cousins" i am in contact with one, but so far she is ignoring my requests for info, ie; his date of birth. i do have 2 possible years of birth. I know where he was born. I think my existence was a shock as i am here as the result of an affair, i have been told i am his only child. The cousin i met gave me a photo of him and told me she has "no doubt in her mind i am his daughter"
The information i have i only found out 10 months ago, after searching for many years. My "English family" refused to tell me.
Am i alone in thinking every person should know about their parents , no matter what the circumstances of their birth ?
Now do i give up on trying to find out more about his family? what date he died? his birthday? etc...
Thanks Vee

[johnnyonthespot]

I am guessing that he died somewhat recently - in the past 20 years?

You know where he is buried, therefore you know the year he died. Do you have an exact date? With or without the exact date, your first and possibly best option is to seek out a printed obituary. Depending on where he died, this might be as simple as finding the local newspaper's website and performing a search. If that doesn't work, try the public library in the city where an obituary would most likely have been published; library research desks are good at finding these things.

Have you inquired at the cemetery office? At the very least, they will be able to tell you the name of the funeral home which provided services; contacting them may yield additional information.

Most definitely, track down that obituary...

[BigVee]

Hi Johnny,
Thank you , i will be going back out to Italy in April so i will do as you suggested and ask in the cemetery office, i only know the year he died (1989), i will in the mean time try and look for his obituary.
Thanks again Vee

[johnnyonthespot]

Oops!

I presumed that he died in the US. In another thread, board member and Italy researcher Ann Tantangelo ("ItalySearcher") remarked, "Unless the man was an important person in the town (like the Mayor) it is unlikely there was a published obituary. Most Italians are buried within 24 - 48 hours after death."

She may have been referring to Rome deaths, as that was the gist of the thread. ( http://italiangenealogy.tardio.com/Foru ... c/t=15496/ )

Italian cemeteries ("cimitero" / "cimiteri") are run/owned/managed by the comune. You should be able to inquire at the comune offices.

Are we talking about a large or small comune?

[Italysearcher]

I was referring to deaths in general. It should be possible to get a death record which will give you the town of birth and from there it should be easy.

[DeFilippis78]

Big Vee,

I cant offer you help on finding documents but I do want to say that no one has the right to keep who your father is from you. Many relatives might not want to tell you because of scandal but truthfully its none of their business. Obviously they dont want to help and you wont get far with them. Dont let anyone sway you from what is your right. Get up , dust yourself off and find your father.

Alicia

[BigVee]

Hi Johnny, its a small comune, and he died in 1987 not 1989 as i wrote in my post, and thank you. Italy searcher, thanks, he was born in the same comune as he is buried, any pointers as to how i can find out more would be very much appreciated. Alicia thank you for your message, it means a lot, thank you all for helping, i wont be giving up
Vee

[johnnyonthespot]

You haven't given a lot of detail, and understandably so.

If I may ask, were you born in Italy, the US, or another country? Is your father's name on your birth certificate?

While you are in the comune offices and after you have obtained (hopefully) his birth date and other details, slide on over to the Anagrafe office/desk and ask for a "Certificato di Stato di Famiglia". This will have information on his entire household including the names, places, and dates of birth of his spouse and all children. View an example here http://www.genealitalia.com/doc_italianos/stato.htm

[BigVee]

I was born in the uk, and no i dont have my fathers name on my birth certificate. That would have made my search so much easier. It took me 33 years to find out his name.
Regards Vee

[carolinechurch]

Hi Vee, I agree with Alicia on this one.
Whatever happened in the past is in the past, and was not your fault.
Your father is no longer alive, so cannot be harmed, and I believe you have as much right to find out who you are and about your family as any of your cousins. It's a shame they can't be more accepting and welcome as part of their family.
We recently 'found' an illegitimate cousin who was forcibly taken and adopted at birth and never spoken of again, and it was a huge shock to her younger half-siblings. She had struggled for many years to locate her birth mother with no idea where she had gone, but ended up finding us all through Ancestry.com
Once they got accustomed to the idea they have warmed to her, and we have now all met her, which has actually been a great opportunity to share the entire history of her lost family, and she has become involved in genealogy as well.
I'm rambling, but my point is, persevere, and I wish you all the best of luck.
Caroline.

[PeterTimber]

have you run his name thru www.findmypast.com? Its free for name checks although it is a paying website. Select ththose with the least numbers unless you would like to give us his name so we can all check our favorite websites and make your effort a Jungian congruence! =Peter=

[BigVee]

Hi Caroline, and thank you. Like Alicia you are right in what you say. Since August last year i have pondered if it was the right thing to do.
Peter i have now looked at that site, and nothing ..but thank you both.
I think i am going to have to sleep on it,
Many thanks to all Vee

[BigVee]

Good morning , thank you in advance for any info.
My fathers name is Antonio - - - - , he died in 1987. On his tomb it said he was born in 1902,but i have found crew lists saying it was 1894, my cousin also told me it was 1894. He was born in Camogli, Genoa and is buried there His wifes name was Rita ----- born in 1908 died in 2002 she is buried with him. I have found a passenger list with Rita on it in 1960 it has her dob on as the 2nd of January1908.
Although he traveled with his work, his home, to my knowledge was always in the hills of Camogli.
I would like to know his birthday, the date he died, his parents names and any brothers and sisters names.
Thank you again. i really cant express how important this is to me.
kind regards Vee

[Squigy]

Hi, BigVee.


This post seems like it may interest you:

http://italiangenealogy.tardio.com/Foru ... =3300.html

[BigVee]

Hi Squigy,
thank you
Vee