Older relatives just not interested

[tinagrenier]

My experiences have been pretty much the same as what most people have written here. Lots of relatives but not many interested in family history, not in the same way that I am anyway. I seem to have pretty good results getting cousins here in US and in Italy to initially respond to my letters or emails, but then I can't seem to keep them interested in staying in touch. I get a response that seems pretty enthusiastic, but then things just kind of fizzle out.

And I agree with the person that said that their distant italian relatives don't even really consider them to be related. I have second cousins in Italy that acknowledge that our parents were related, but don't really think of me in terms of a cousin for some reason. Oh well, I do all this for me because I'm interested, I guess I can't expect everyone else to be. Hopefully someone in the next generation will be there to take my place so my research isn't lost forever after I'm gone.

[Eleven]

Maybe they dont feel the relationship, because they married each other there. Second cousins married..so if you werent a first cousin, you were up for grabs as a spouse..lol Nobody wants to hear it said..you married your cousin.

My husbands grandmother, great grandmother and GGgrandmother all married their second cousins. Even I, teased my husband a bit about that.

I think the real old generation (some of them) dont want to see on paper, something that proves their old family stories, wrong. I think they feel like we are snooping. I think that my mom would have thought that way. I dont think I would have done my genealogy if she was alive.

[KMaryP]

duplicate

[KMaryP]

you never know who is considered "dead" and in this family, if you talk to someone who has been declared dead, well then your dead to......talk about grudges!!

uh-ohhh lol Through my research, I discovered relatives I never knew existed. There was a dispute between 2 brothers, but the family took sides and the majority ended up on the other side. I've located them and plan to travel 1500 miles to meet them next week. I know the younger generations are looking forward to meeting me, but I don't know about my 90-year old great aunts. I guess I'll find out once I get there. lol As for how my side of the family feels about me mingling with the "dead", I really don't care.

I've run into problems with photo sharing as well. It would mean so much to me to put faces to these names I've been studying. I'm taking a portable scanner with me in hopes that they'll let me copy them without the photos ever having to leave their sight. Then again, a portable scanner and laptop could scare the heck out of a 90 year old! I'm so nervous about this trip but excited too. I hope it goes well!

[ForzaItaliaPgh]

I've been thinking about contacting the "lost" relatives in my family. My grandfather's sister, and only sibling, is persona non grata in our part of the family. She supposedly has a treasure trove of pictures and artifacts of my GGF (one of the reasons for the fued).

I'm tempted to pay her a visit (she only lives a couple miles from me) but the consequences might be severe

By the way, this is something all families go through, not just us Italians...right??

[c6mitchell]

I have really enjoyed this topic and all the comments! I do not believe it is an age thing to be disinterested. Sometimes just uncovering one detail gets a person interested (as long as it is a good detail!). My own family members got interested when on another forum, someone discovered our name got changed when my husband's grandfather crossed the border from Canada. This search has helped me find living family members that I never knew both in the USA and in Italy. My latest find in Italy is quite interested and I hope that eventually he will help me with some questions. Yes, I also have family members with no interest but I continue to include them in updated charts. Have met online some really nice people willing to help with the search even though we will never meet in person and are unrelated.

I found years ago I would just ask simple questions and write down the answers. This helped me when I actually found records. In my family most of the aunts and uncles had a given name and one they were called instead. So to a person researching and not knowing, it could be confusing. Also in Italian families SO many names are the same due to naming traditions!

Also have had one person contact me, copy a lot of my charts incorrectly and post on so many websites an incorrect version of names and dates. Have asked this person to correct especially my mother but years have passed. So be careful who you give information to!

I am learning from this forum. Thank you.


______
Carolyn

[DeFilippis78]

I run into this regularly. No one in my family is interested and no one will believe facts on paper right in front of them. They would rather stick to what was told to them over the years through word of mouth.

I think part of this is because they were growing up in a time period where Italians were considered to be dirt. They were taught to forget their homeland and embrace being an american. So they were taught to lose pride and interest in everything italian. This was drilled into their head. And although nowadays Italians are not frowned upon, you cant change the way of thinking that they have had their whole life. Its kind of sad

[ForzaItaliaPgh]

I run into this regularly. No one in my family is interested and no one will believe facts on paper right in front of them. They would rather stick to what was told to them over the years through word of mouth.

I think part of this is because they were growing up in a time period where Italians were considered to be dirt. They were taught to forget their homeland and embrace being an american. So they were taught to lose pride and interest in everything italian. This was drilled into their head. And although nowadays Italians are not frowned upon, you cant change the way of thinking that they have had their whole life. Its kind of sad

I completely agree. If you read about the things our ancestors went through here in the States, it's enough to make the blood boil. And worse, nobody even seems to care. Between rampant racism, WW2, and religious bigotry, Italians have not had it easy here. When my first son was born and my mother told my grandparents that we named him after my grandfather, they thought it was a joke! It took awhile to convince them I named him Dino! But at least a lot of us are reconnecting now, right?

[tinagrenier]

And worse, nobody even seems to care. Between rampant racism, WW2, and religious bigotry, Italians have not had it easy here.

I don't think it's that no one cares, I know for myself I'd rather focus on the good memories than those things that were painful or unpleasant. It wasn't just we Italians that had a hard time either, many immigrant groups went through similar prejudice (some still do today). But, I know what you are saying and I agree that the early years were not easy for our parents and grandparents. They were strong people, and I am proud of them.

[ForzaItaliaPgh]

I agree that many (even most) new immigrant groups have been forced to face a lot of prejudice after arriving here in America. That being said the level of discrimination has not been equal for all groups.

Italians were the victims of the largest lynching in US history (Italians were not considered white in many parts of America especially the south). Our ancestral language was targeted by the US Gov't which shut down Italian language presses and posted signs warning people not to speak an "enemy language" during WW2. Our grandparents and parents also were paid less (even black workers under Jim Crow made more) and had to live in horrible circumstances in "Little Italys". Heck, even the KKK reorganized itself largely to protest against Italian Catholic immigrants. I've even seen newspapers from the 20's referring to the Pope as "the d**o on the Tiber". Margret Sanger used the Italian male (supposedly a "Latin lover) as a reason for Planned Parenthood - who would want a bunch of Italians over-running America? And list goes on and on.

Certainly, African-Americans and Native Americans were persecuted much much worse than Italians, but the sad history of Italians in America is largely untaught in schools and media outlets find it okay to use bigoted anti-Italian language. Heck, just recently I remember an episode of Two and a Half Men in which d**o was used. And need we mention "Jersey Shore"? I find it hard to believe other racist terms would be throw around so freely.

And to top it all off, as I just read last week on this very forum, apparently 3 out of 4 Americans think all Italians are in some way in or connected to the Mafia! That can probably be attributed to the constant portrayal of Italians as mobsters on TV and in the movies.

[tinagrenier]

Italians were the victims of the largest lynching in US history (Italians were not considered white in many parts of America especially the south). Our ancestral language was targeted by the US Gov't which shut down Italian language presses and posted signs warning people not to speak an "enemy language" during WW2.

These things are all terribly upsetting to hear. I am thankful that my parents never experienced anything like any of this when they came to the US. I know times were hard when they first came here, and they worked so hard, but they were respected and came to be revered in the old neighborhood. My heart goes out to anyone who underwent the kind of torture you described.

[ForzaItaliaPgh]

Sorry to upset you. I think you're right that it is nice to focus on the good.

[Romano1970]

Hello all,

been away for too long. I am sure others have said the same thing but a good many of our elders "fled" Sicilia and Italy for reasons they could not talk about. For instance my grandfather fled due to a second tour of duty in the italian infantry in 1919. He wanted no part of it. So he came to america.

[DeFilippis78]

The newest revelation I heard from my family was a stark reminder of how people were so afraid of the prejudices of being Italian....My family is from Sicily . I have all the paper work to prove it. But when I told my grandma she said it wasnt true and she was always told her family was from the far , far north near switzerland. I told her that wasnt true. Apparently the rumor of the family being from the wealthy and better accepted north was passed down through the years to conceal sicilian roots. I finally uncovered the truth even though some dont want to hear it.

[TomG]

I've run into a similar situation with my sister-in-law. My husband's father and grandfather(and my husband!) were great story tellers, and they used to tell her all kinds of stories about the family--many untrue. At first when I found documentation that contradicted her stories, she was very unhappy and didn't want to hear about it. I've been working on the tree for over 12 years, and now she's happy to learn the truth.